A Lack Of Trust
by Opal Roseblossom
Summary: What if, during the Opal Deception, Artemis had been unable to cheat the mind wipe? What if his past actions had left him unable to trust himself enough for the memories to return? Without his memories, Artemis isn't quite up to the task ahead.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: This fic is Alternate Universe. It is what would have happened if Artemis hadn't trusted himself enough to cheat the mindwipe.**

Emptiness.

That was all Artemis felt. He stared at the disk in his hand, the one that was supposed to bring him back to his old life, the one that should bring him joy, and all he felt was anger.

Artemis was _angry _at this little disk. He hated it with a passion. It seemed like the tiny DVD had robbed him of something. His memories, maybe? No, it was something more than that. It had provided him his memories, told them to him in a matter-of-fact manner. It was what had come with the memories, it was the fact that he didn't truly remember, only knew from a second hand source (which, ironically, was himself).

The disk had given him his memories, but robbed him of his experience. Logically, of course, Artemis knew that it wasn't the disk that had done it, but the LEP. And he knew that it wasn't the disk's fault that the mindwipe hadn't been cheated, it was his own. But as he stared at the little silver circle, all rational flew out the window.

Only his superior self-control stopped him from throwing the DVD to the ground and crushing it with his foot. Artemis breathed in with a count of seven, the meditative rhythm calmed him down. He just needed time to think.

Artemis settled into the cross-legged position, but he couldn't concentrate. The ship was humming much too loudly. And the mirror in the bathroom kept reflecting into his eyes. Was it just him, or was the floor itchy? Perhaps if he moved a little. His leg was cramping. Maybe if he moved his hands they wouldn't brush against him in that annoying way.

It was no use. Artemis had been able to enter a deep meditative state since he was a year old. Experts marvelled at his control over his mind, they loved the way he could smooth it out and forget everything in less than a second. It had never mattered where he was, but he simply could not manage it today. Artemis sighed in resignation and exited the bathroom.

Holly looked up, "Well, you've been in there a while." Then she saw his expression."What's wrong?" Her voice was hushed, she had never seen Artemis look so... defeated.

Artemis couldn't speak, he just lifted up the disk he was holding. Holly took it from him and examined it. "Clever, you put your memories on disk," she noticed the gold tint to the surface, "and disguised it as a medallion, which you gave to Mulch." The previous Artemis would have been impressed with her intelligence, maybe Holly was learning something from him after all, but the current Artemis barely took note of it.

"It didn't work, I can't remember anything." Artemis' voice was hoarse with grief. Holly looked terrified, she knew Artemis, and she knew that he had never been so defeated in his life. She couldn't imagine what this meant to him, not only did he not understand something that was a huge part of himself, but he had been beaten, harshly and thoroughly. For a second she stopped thinking and quickly pulled him into a hug.

Artemis was shocked, to say the least. This tiny woman had her arms around his waist, she seemed to be trying to comfort him. He really didn't know how to respond, he just stood stiffly in her embrace. It wasn't unpleasant, in fact, it was possible that he was enjoying it, Artemis just didn't know how to react. The warmth he felt was familiar, it was what he experienced when he spent time with his mother and father, the feeling of pure happiness and belonging. It was the feeling of having someone care for you, and caring back. But no, this was just a distraction. Isn't that how he had trained himself? Even the pre-mindwipe version of himself knew that emotions like this just cause complications. Still, he couldn't bring himself to break off, and he really didn't feel that it was appropriate to return the affections, so he just stood there stiffly.

Holly sensed his discomfort, and pulled away. "Sorry, I forgot how you dislike displays of affection." She blushed.

That's when they both remembered that there were other people in the room. The others were staring at him with wonder. Artemis had fully failed. They couldn't even begin to comprehend it. There was a long silence, only Holly dared to move, she remained in contact with Artemis, she patted his arm comfortingly. The air hummed with stunned electricity, and it was only broken when Butler , the bravest of them, walked forward cautiously, "You really don't remember any of it?"

Artemis stared at his bodyguard's face, it looked older and more ragged than he remembered. He felt guilty about it, for some reason. What was it that he had learned? Butler had been shot, and it had been his fault.

He saw flashes and closed his eyes, willing the scene to come back to him. A bit of colour, a loud noise, and then it was done. The vision slipped from his grasp, and Artemis knew that it would be fruitless to scramble for it. It was gone. The guilt didn't leave, though. Butler had trusted him, and had paid for it.

"None of it, old friend, I cannot recall a single thing." Artemis hung his head, "I know what happened, the disk told me, but I don't truly remember."

"Why didn't it work?" Mulch seemed genuinely puzzled. "It worked for the big man over there, you barely said one sentance and it all came back to him."

Artemis sighed; "The information has to come from someone you trust."

Mulch still didn't quite get it. "So what you're saying is that..."

"I don't trust myself." Artemis shook his head woefully,

"Why?" Mulch asked.

Artemis didn't answer, but in his mind's eye he saw Butler's chest heave as he climbed the stairs and saw him fight, his moves were so much slower and had lost the immortality that they once boasted. Butler was no longer invincible.

And even though Artemis couldn't fully remember, he knew that it was his fault. The guilt was a worm inside of him, eating away at his insides mercilessly.

He couldn't meet Mulch's questioning gaze, he averted his eyes in shame.

Butler patted his back, and Artemis looked up. There was pity and apprehension in his eyes. Artemis too understood the implications of his failure. Without _true _knowledge his planning skills would be seriously injured. As it stood he didn't know, or understand, Opal to the same degree he would have if he had remembered meeting her. He knew her type, but one of the first rules of psychology was not to generalize, a rule that he followed avidly. Artemis had very little confindence that he could pull this off. It seemed that lately his confidence in himself had been running out.

He had to try. Holly's life depended on it, as well as his own. "Tell me everything you know about Opal Koboi."

* * *

**AN: This story is for the Fangathering Elseworlds contest. You can win a copy of Airman or a pre-ordered copy of the Time Paradox. :D**

**I'm not used to writing chaptered fics, so constructive crit is even more appreciated than usual.**


	2. Chapter 2

"_It is incredible, really," Zito was telling a reporter in a slightly accented English. "We have sent crafts to other planets, and yet we have no idea what lies beneath our feet. Scientists can tell us the chemical makeup of Saturn's rings, but we don't honestly know what lies at the center of our own planet."_

"_But probes have been sent down before," said the reporter, trying to pretend he hadn't just picked up this knowledge from his earpiece._

"_Yes," agreed Zito. "But only to a depth of about nine miles. We need to get through to the outer core itself, almost two thousand miles down. Imagine if the currents of liquid metal in the outer core could be harnessed. There's enough free energy in that metal to power mankind's machines forever."_

_The reporter was skeptical. At least, the real scientist speaking in his earpiece told him to be skeptical. "But this is all speculation, Dr. Zito. Surely a voyage to the center of the earth is nothing but a fantasy? Possible only in the pages of science fiction."_

_A brief flash of annoyance clouded Giovanni Zito's features. "This is no fantasy, sir, I assure you. This is no fantastical voyage. We are sending an unmanned probe, bristling with sensors. Whatever is down there. We will find it."_

_The reporter's eyes widened in panic as a particularly technical question came over his earpiece. He listened for several seconds, mouthing the words as he heard them._

"_Dr. Zito, eh... This probe you are sending down, I believe it will be encased in one hundred million tons of molten iron at about five and a half thousand degrees Celsius. Is that correct?"_

"_Absolutely," confirmed Zito. _

_The reporter looked relieved. "Yes. I knew that. Anyway, my point is, it would take several years to gather so much iron. So why did you ask us here today?"_

_Zito clapped his hands excitedly. "This is the wonderful part. As you know the core probe was a long-term project. I had planned to accumulate the iron over the next ten years. But now, laser drilling has revealed a deep orebody of hematite, iron ore, on the bottom edge of the curst right here in Cicily. It's incredibly rich, perhaps eighty-five percent iron. All we need to do is detonate several charges inside that deposit and we have our molten iron. I have already secured the mining permits from the government."_

_The reporter asked the next question all on his own. "So, Dr. Zito, when do you detonate?"_

_Giovanni Zito removed two thick cigars from his lab coat pocket. "We detonate today," he said, passing a cigar to the reporter. "Ten years early. This is a historic moment." Zito opened the office curtains, revealing a fenced-off area of scrubland below the window. A metallic section of piping protruded from the earth in the center of the three-foot-square enclosure. As they watched, a crew of workmen clambered from the piping, moving hurriedly away from the opening. Wisps of gaseous coolant spiraled from the pipe. The men climbed into a golf trolly and exited the compound. They took shelter in a concrete bunker at the perimeter._

"_There are several megatons of TNT buried at strategic points inside the orebody," explained Zito. "If this was detonated on the surface, it would cause an earthquake measuring seven on the Richter scale."_

_The reporter swallowed nervously. "Really?"_

_Zito laughed. "Don,t worry. The charges are shaped. The blast is focused down and in. The iron will be liquefied and begin its descent to the earth's core, carrying the probe with it. We will feel nothing."_

"_Down and in? You're sure about that?"_

"_Positive," said Zito. "We are perfectly safe here."_

_On the wall behind the Italian doctor, a speaker squawked three times. "Dottore Zito," said a gruff voice. "All clear. All clear."_

_Zito pressed the button and waited, wide eyed. The room's other occupants, the dozen or so scientists and technicians, turned anxiously to various readout panels and monitors._

"_We have detonation," announced one._

_Sixteen yards below ground, forty-two shaped charges exploded, simultaneously liquefying one hundred and eighteen million tons of iron. The rock content was pulverized and absorbed by the metal. A pillar of smoke blew out of the cylindrical opening, but there was no detectable vibration._

"_The probe is functioning at one hundred percent," said a technician._

_Zito breathed out. "That was our big worry. Even though the probe is designed for exactly these conditions, the world has never seen this kind of explosion before." He turned to antoerh lab worker. "Any movement?"_

_The man hesitated before answering. "yes, Dr. Zito. We have vertical movement. Sixteen feet per second. Exactly as you hypothesized."_

_Below the earth's crust, a behemoth of iron and rock began its painstaking descent toward the earth's core. It chugged and churned, bubbling and hissing, prying apart the mantle below it. Inside the molten mass, a grapefruit sized probe continued to broadcast data._

_Spontaneous euphoria erupted in the laboratory. Men and women hugged each other. Cigars were lit and champagne corks popped. Someone even pulled out a violin._

"_We are on our way," shouted a jubilant Zito, lighting the reporter's cigar. "Man is going to the center of the earth, look out below!"_

_-Eoin Colfer, the Opal Deception. Pages 273-241_

Holly put her head in her hands, shaking it mournfully. "Look out below." She turned to Artemis, "We could really use one of your plans right about now."

Something flitted across Artemis' expression, but as soon as Holly craned to see what it was, it was gone. She shivered, no matter what they had been through today, this Artemis was not the same as the one she had known.

"Then I suppose you will have to deal with my lessened mental capacity." Artemis sighed, then went on, "What you have told me about Opal isn't very informative, she seems to be the typical psychopath, a narcissistic megalomaniac bent on world domination, I'm afraid that isn't quite enough. I don't know her, I wish I could at least speak to her, it would make things so much easier. But, I will manage with what I have."

An unsettling silence spread across the room. Artemis' loss of confidence was infectious, the crew shifted uneasily from foot to foot, their eyes watched the boy genius. Artemis simply stared back coolly. It was hard to think brave, self-sacrificing thoughts when faced with those cold eyes.

Holly broke the silence by snapping her fingers in exasperation. "I wish that I could contact Foaly, and at least try and warn him of what is coming."

"Doesn't he have some sort of personal communication device?" Artemis asked.

"Yes, but we don't, and we can't send out communications from the ship, the LEP will be on us like flies on a dwarf."

"I resent that," Mulch muttered.

"Well, if that's all I always carry a communication device, my own design," Artemis smirked, "you should know that. Must I do all of the thinking around here?"

Holly just rolled her eyes and stuck out her hand. Artemis placed it in her hand, and this time it was her turn to smirk. "Big enough cellphone?"

Artemis stared at her, the piece of technology fit neatly into the palm of his hand. "Well, it's a computer too..."

Holly laughed, "You humans are so low-tech."

Thinking of no way to recover, Artemis moved on. "Don't forget to code it, in case a LEP officer sees it."

"You must think I'm stupid." He gave her a look that clearly showed exactly what he thought.

_Foaly, your middle name is Shelley._

_Opal is back. The Zito probe is controlled by her. Watch out._

"That's all he'll need, Foaly will figure it out from there."

_"_His middle name is _Shelley." _Mulch snickered.

_"_I'm the only person, besides his mother, who knows that," Holly replied, "until now." She grinned and blushed, "I probably shouldn't have told you that."

Mulch laughed, "I can't wait to rub that one in pony-boy's face." He left the rest unsaid, _"If we survive long enough to get the chance to."_

Artemis looked up from examining the computer. "I am going to need more information. Do you have a human version of the keyboard? Any language would do."

Holly shook her head, "Why would we make it mudman compatible?" She instantly regretted saying it, Artemis shot her a withering look. Holly was actually surprised that he would even suggest it, she kept forgetting that his knowledge of the fairy people was very limited.

"Then you'll have to translate for me. Just do as I say."

Holly gave him an irritated look, but what could she do? He was their only hope.

Foaly stared at his phone in disbelief. It seemed impossible, what he was reading. Not only was Holly alive, but Opal was back, and humans were coming to the center of the earth.

Foaly's logic just couldn't grasp it. Firstly, Holly being back meant that her helmet had been wrong. Holly's life signals had died, and her body had been vaporized in a pool of acid. Secondly, Opal couldn't have possibly escaped. Foaly was watching her right now, she was swinging slightly in her harness, asleep and safe. She regularly underwent DNA tests. Thirdly, humans were far from making a successful probe. It would take at least a decade before they got close.

But then again, if Opal was helping them it would take them considerably less time. And it wasn't like his technology hadn't failed him before, as much as he hated to admit it. And of course, there was Holly. It had to be here, his mother was long dead and she was the only one who knew that deep, dark secret. Holly had to be alive, but could he trust her? The footage had shown her shooting Julius. It was unmistakable.

His gadgets had been wrong before, shouldn't he know that by now? There was also the suspicious lack of sound, and the explosion that a Neutrino certainly could not have caused. It could have been a glitch in the machinery, but Foaly doubted it. There was too much else that had coincidentally gone wrong. Foaly had to run some tests on Opal to get a definite answer. He really didn't like where this was going.

He found the video, it looked normal. Or, as normal as a scene with a LEP officer shooting the man who was like a father to her could be. There, on Julius' chest. Holly was talking to Julius' chest. He zoomed in, but there was nothing there.

Foaly altered the lighting. Nothing. He changed the angles. Nothing. He even took apart the scene and zoomed in to microscopic levels.. Nothing.

The prospects were grim. But maybe if he took it screen by screen. It was agonizing work, slow and boring. Foaly flipped through them, frame by frame.  
Yes! There it was, a blurry patch that transfered itself from the goblin's chest to Julius'. That was what Holly had been talking to!  
He didn't know what it was, but it was all Foaly needed to convince himself of Holly's innocence. He just needed to run a couple more tests to convince everyone else of it too.

"I'm sorry that I couldn't type that 60 letter code perfectly in under five seconds. Last time I checked my specialty was not computer hacking," Holly snapped sarcastically.

"Well it appears that I am the only one of any use around here, and since your precious LEP mindwiped me you'll have to make do with my severely lessened abilities," Artemis replied coolly.

Holly threw up her hands in exasperation. "They aren't my precious LEP, if you haven't been paying attention I'm wanted for murder."

Artemis rolled his eyes, playing the annoyed teenager, then began to move his hands across the keyboard.

Holly looked at him with shock. "Do you... remember?"

The computer gave a little ding. "Of course not, we've been doing this for two hours, I've committed most of the keys to memory."

She rolled her eyes, "Of course. You've committed a whole new language to memory in two hours, why didn't I think of that?"

Artemis grinned, "Well, we're in," his eyes scanned the page, "I can take it from here."

Holly paced while Artemis worked. So much was at stake here, her career, her life, her race. Though she probably prioritized them the other way around. This wasn't some adventure, some funny mishap that they would have to get out of with the gang, this was more serious than anything else they had been through together.  
So much was already lost. Julius was gone, destroyed by Opal's lust for revenge, and he was never coming back. Artemis, too, was gone, not destroyed by Opal but by the LEP. Holly couldn't help but feel guilty, he just wasn't the same. There were parts that she recognized, the cocky grin was all too familiar, but he was colder, and much more distant. It was odd, occasionally while talking to him Holly had thought that perhaps Artemis had returned to himself, but those moments were always gone in a flash.  
The shame of it all was overwhelming. How could she be so selfish? Holly had barely tried to stop the LEP from mindwiping Artemis. She had just let it happen. Who were they to take that away from him? The fairy world had changed Artemis, then, unsatisfied with his progress, changed him back. But mostly she felt shame over Julius' death. Shouldn't she be mourning him right now? No, she was just fretting over Artemis, the Fowl boy was unpleasant, to say the least, why was he taking up so much more of her thought space than the man who was a father to her, the man that she had shot?  
But Frond, how she missed him. Holly couldn't believe how much she missed the real him, the person that he had come to be. This was all much too confusing. She needed a cup of steamed green tea and some dark chocolate, she half believed that it would make this all go away. No, nothing could make this go away, except Artemis. But as Artemis' confidence in himself failed, hers failed. How could Artemis do it if he didn't even think he could?  
Holly rubbed her temples in frustration. She just wanted it all to be over.

**A/N: I had to quote that part at the beginning. The same thing happened, the news broadcast wasn't going to change. And sorry about the boring chapter. It'll get better next time.  
Thanks to Star Jinin, she gave me some good crit. :D I didn't follow it this chapter, but I will next chapter. And thanks to all of my other reviewers. There's not many of you, but you do rock.  
It's hard, working around the book. I have to make it different than the book without having huge plotholes. sigh Oh well. Chaptered fics aren't really my thing.  
This is for the Elseworlds contest on Fangathering, by the way. Somebody out there might care.  
Reviews and crit always appreciated.**


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